Now this may seem silly to some, but when I buy a kitchen appliance (which is rare) I expect it to work. I've decided to start eating salad sandwiches and in the interest of having something else apart from salad on the sandwich I bought a cheese slice so I could slice cheese. People of older generations may mock my reliance upon this slicer.
And with good cause.
*start rant*
It turns out it doesn't work. It is a crock of shite. It is false advertising of the highest nature. It does not slice cheese evenly. Over the years we have had various types of cheese slicing implements. One was the humble cheese slice of my childhood which cut cheese perfectly. Many the time I had cheesy toast with some sliced cheeses and oregano. Fond memories. After that cheese slice we bought a new slicer, one with a larger angle (thereby making the implement flatter). It didn't work and never will. It was subsequently thrown out. Then there was guilituine. Which worked alright but nobody was terrible happy with. And now all that is used is either a knife or grated cheese.
It is a blatant rip-off of the highest nature. It is immoral of manufacturers of these "devices" to continue to sell them when they don't work. It is a conspiracy of the highest nature involving all cheese makers to frustrate consumers enough so they buy grated cheese and thereby pay them more money instead of having slices the way they want. YES I could use a knife but why the hell should I? The cheese is too thick and doesn't melt evenly like I like.
So this morning the cheese slice and I had an argument. It thinks it won. I know it hasn't cause I'm building a bonfire when I get home and melting the fucker down for it's base elements so I can get some sort of return on my investment.
On the other side of the coin, maybe the cheese is harder then it can handle. In which case I have the perfect solution for Wolverine for the next time he goes up against Magneto. Use cheese instead of Adamantium. There's no metal in it so you won't be able to be stopped and it's obviously the next hardest substance known to man after Adamantium.
*end rant*
4 comments:
note to self - Ben love cheese. reallllly LOVES cheese!
For someone who cant get enough cheese,
there is always these.
“Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese”
~~Billie Burke
"Many's the long night I've dreamed of cheese - toasted, mostly."
~~Robert Louis Stevenson
"Bachelor's fare: Bread, cheese, and kisses"
~~Jonathan Swift
"A cheese may disappoint. It may be dull, it may be naive, it may be oversophisticated. Yet it remains, cheese, milk's leap toward immortality."
~~Clifton Fadiman
"People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy."
~~William Faulkner
"Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want."
~~Irving Kristol
"Frustration is when you have ulcers but still aren't a success."
~~unknown
I too have been thoroughly disappointed with cheese slicers over the years. Last time I checked, Mum and Dad still had the old cheese slice, the one that worked perfectly. Perhaps you could steal it.
If that fails, I highly recommend the new breed of cheese slices you can buy from the supermarket. They are actual cheese, precut into slices. They are a little bit thick, but oh so convienient...
Post a Comment